Replace O'Reilly with Phil Donahue
Roger Ailes, Fox News Channel
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We, the undersigned, are becoming increasingly concerned about the mental health of the host of your 8:00 PM EST show on Fox News Channel. This host has claimed:
1) San Francisco should be attacked by al-Qaeda terrorists ("homicide bombers").
2) There's a conspiracy to cancel the extremely popular Christmas holiday, even though the culture of Christmas is prevalent in America for nearly three months of every year.
3) That opponents of his show favor personal attacks and smearing, while he routinely employs the pejorative "pinheads" to describe anyone who disagrees with him.
4) That he never used the phrase "shut up" even though he's on-record saying that phrase dozens of times.
5) He has yet to publicly address his sexual penchant for soapy falafel sandwiches and female underlings.
6) He routinely misrepresents factual information (often called "lying"), then claims he told the truth, but will occasionally recant and admit to flagrantly misleading his viewers.
(For more citations of your 8:00 PM EST host's growing level of dysfunction, please visit: http://mediamatters.org/issues_topics/people/billoreilly where there are approximately 400 references to your host's mental instability.)
As a result, we recommend that you uphold your "fair and balanced" reputation and replace your 8:00 PM EST host with popular talk show host Phil Donahue.
In a recent petition to MSNBC, your host praised Mr. Donahue's ability to draw a large audience and referred to Mr. Donahue's "honor and dignity" -- a perfect fit for Fox News Channel as your current host obviously endorses Donahue's ability to perform in prime time. So he's a perfect replacement for your 8:00 PM EST host who clearly could use some time off and professional psychological assistance.
We look forward to the premiere of The Donahue Factor, weeknights at 8:00 PM on Fox News Channel.