Pacifica Desires to Secede from Union

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    State legislatures of California, Oregon and Washington
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Whereas the majority of voters in the United States have shown an unacceptable lack of common sense, basic human decency and concern for social justice;

Whereas the rising tide of reactionary conservatism is overwhelming many parts of the country;

Whereas we were always cooler than you fly-over bumpkins in the first place;

Whereas the people of the states of California, Oregon and Washington can no longer stand fast while other Americans claim the mantle of righteousness and the true spirit of our Republic;

Whereas, we the people of the left coast do seek a new government, governed by the just and preserving the same inalienable rights afforded all human souls, but without the meddling of the gun nuts, the McJesus freaks, the misogynists, the gay bashers and the tweaked-out corporate leaders who believe the wealth and truth are interchangable:

We, the people of the left coast, do hereby petition our state legislatures, governors and leaders to cleave our America from theirs, to seek a division of the Union, and to begin establishing a more perfect union on this, our far side of the New World.