For those of you who have not heard the sad news yet, Paula Abdul decided to leave American Idol. When I first caught wind of this, I thought, Straight Up? This just cant be the case! Paula is a STAPLE on the show, part of the reason I tune in every week, sometimes two, three times a week. Not having her there would be like not having ridiculous auditions in the upfront weeks.

Paula says, Show me the money, and I say Show me the funny! Paula Abduls tactics of judging are of infinite proportions. She compliments everyone and sees the good, even when theyre bad. Sure, shes upset about not getting a lot of money; Sure shes sad about American Idol perpetuating rumors of substance abuse; Sure, shes sad about Kara DioGuardi coming on as a fourth (and more competent) judge; but alas, I care not. I WANT YOU BACK, PAULA!!

I understand that you dont want to be seen as a punch line and believe you can find success outside of the show but trust me, your fate is here. You cannot stop now. I mean, Dancing With The Stars? Are you serious?? I dont want to have to watch that show just to see you judge people (but I will because thats my dedication to you.)

All that said, Paula Abdul, here are your fans signing below to prove they WANT YOU BACK ON THE SHOW!!!! Well go to FOX, Simon Lithgow, Simon Fuller, Kara DioGuardio, Simon Cowell, Randy Jackson, Bernie Madoff I mean, ANYONE it takes to get you more than $5million, since apparently thats not enough.

PLEASE RETHINK YOUR DECISION!!! Remember, you can't spell "A Ballad Up" without "Paula Abdul!"

And FOX...well, you're just a Cold-Hearted Snake,