Get Fallon Out of Late Night Forever! A

To:  Television Lovers Everywhere

We have taste. We have class. We have expectations. We want entertainment. We want someone who doesn't make us puke all over ourselves to run 'Late Night' on NBC.

In -no- way does Jimmy Fallon fulfill the minimum basic requirements to be the host of this show! He is only found funny by a tiny tiny fraction of the people who see him. He has proven himself to be incapable of carrying a movie. Or acting. Or being in a sketch without laughing and looking at the camera and ruining it.

He has proven that he is the least entertaining musical parodier of the entire history of SNL. He has proven that anything considered remotely successful that he has ever made was only in conjunction with someone with talent. Even his most famous bits from SNL, arguably 'The Barry Gibb Talk Show,' are not on society's radar as a whole just a few years later.

Compare the success of that collaboration with Justin Timberlake to the much greater, all-invasive success of the Lonely Island's 'Dick in a Box' with the same artist. Obviously, collaborating with those with talent (The Lonely Island) has made Timberlake look much better than collaborating with a giggly, moronic freak.

When Fallon was announced as the replacement for Conan America regurgitated in the back of our collective throats. How dare the great institution of Late Night be ruined by this unprofessional, unamusing, and in fact excruciating to watch fool? Why did Lorne Michaels push so hard for this has-been, washed-up at thirty drop-out to be the new host of a successful show?

By appointing Fallon to replace the universally beloved Conan, NBC has poured harsh grains of salt in the open wounds of the nation's viewers. "Here," NBC seems to be saying to its audience. "Die, you cretinous savages!"

I want to turn on the TV and not throw up. I vow to watch the 'Tonight Show with Conan O'Brien' and promptly turn to the witty and charming Craig Ferguson, who is naturally appealing, effortlessly unassuming, and hilariously spontaneous. If Lorne Michael's point in choosing Fallon as Conan's replacement was to make Craig Ferguson an even bigger hit (he was already almost caught up to Conan) then I am sure he will be happy with his decision, because that is precisely what will happen.

If people want a fresher, different take on late night they have Comedy Central's offerings. If they want a GOOD late night show, they have Craig Ferguson to watch.

We won't take this foolish mistake! We won't stand for it! We HATE Jimmy Fallon! We'd tell him to his face but he is too busy looking in a mirror or away from the camera to notice us.

Please, Lorne Michaels and NBC: Give Fallon his Ritalin, a nice cup of warm milk, and send him to bed well before 'Late Night' comes on. The world would have much rather had someone brilliant like Jorma Taccone or Akiva Schaffer, someone universally liked like Jon Stewart, or someone capable of reading and talking like -virtually any other person in the world- than be asked to watch Fallon.

I promise you this, NBC: your ratings WILL continue to go down, and Fallon's selection will be regarded as one of the greatest mistakes in the history of late night television, if not all of broadcasting.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The Get Fallon Out of Late Night Forever! A Petition to Television Lovers Everywhere was created by and written by Johnathon Retterman (jonathon.retterman@atomspies.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.