Teemu Selanne to the Montreal Canadiens

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    Bob Gainey, Montreal Canadiens
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Mr. Bob Gainey,

We, the avid fans of the Montreal Canadiens, hereby state that we want you to do whatever it takes to sign Unrestricted Free-agent Teemu Selanne to a contract for the upcoming season.

We agree to pay an extra $2.50 per beer to help with the contract.

We agree to wash Mr. Selannes car every weekend.

We agree to pick up Froofroos (Mr. Selannes pet poodle) excrements with little pooper-scoopers and will walk him every morning promptly at 7:30am.

We agree to get Mr. Selanne a Grande Americano from Starbucks with his morning Helsingin Sanomat newspaper.

We agree to NEVER criticize Mr. Selannes play on the ice, nor his off-ice activities.

We agree to take Mr. Selanne out to a nice dinner every Friday night (at any restaurant of his choice).

We agree to take Mr. Selannes suits to the drycleaners every second day.

Mr. Bob Gainey, we the undersigned agree to do whatever it takes to help you bring this excellent player to this excellent city.

For the sake of your millions of adoring fans, please bring Mr. Selanne to Montreal!