A Call for the Swift and Immediate Removal of a Mr. Christopher "Wade" Wade

To:  Keith Marek

We the brohizzles, of the fine Bro Rage Fantasy League, do hereby denounce a Mr. Christopher Wade, owner of the lowly and pathetic "Team Wade" for all intolerable and cancerous acts performed that have directly contributed to the unearned and undeserving victory of the despised and hated Mr. Dustin Reznicek. Mr. Wade's careless and uninspired performance during week 7 of the ESPN fantasy football league has caused direct and permanent damage to the character of all who were forced to watch a hapless Mr. Reznicek clinch victory this past Monday. This goes against the natural law of our community and has causes extreme duress for all parties involved.

As a brohizzle, there are defined inalienable rights which cannot be marred or altered in any way without causing irreversable damage to life as we know it. Life, liberty, and the comfort of watching a beaten and battered Dustin lose every weekend shall NOT be taken from our society without punishment and retribution. These are the morals on which our community of bros lies. Without them, we are nothing more than a confederation of limited and failing individuals. However, with these facets of life, we stand as a united governing body, with the power and ability to rule all that lies before us, from the shores of Lake Mary to the sandy beaches of John Daly's Florida summer home.

Our rights have been stripped of us. Mr. Christopher Wade has attempted to destroy our society and ruin all that is holy in the Bro Rage fantasy league. Therefore, it is with great enthusiasm and vigor that I propose the following:

1) Mr. Christopher Wade be hastily removed from our prestigious league entirely. No horrid memories of this unholiest of days can remain, and the source of the evilest of actions must be removed to allow any hope of maintaining any semblance of our formerly robust and elite society. A suitor of Mr. Marek's liking may take Mr. Wade's place if he is approved by a vote of his peers.

and

2)Our leader Keith Marek must strike this supposed "victory" from the record books. Anything less than a loss or tie is a travesty upon our society and should be considered a immoral existence, denounced by humans and gods alike. Zero losses have embodied the spirit of Mr. Reznicek and apparent "payoffs" or "throwings of the game" as Mr. Wade seems to have done must be removed from our glorified and prolific history together. This mistake must be concealed as quickly as possible as we cannot exist without its complete removal.

and

3) Mr Christopher Wade's red crocs must be burned with vengence. These crocs are an inseperable reminder of the evil Wade has done and must be burned from whence they were birthed to maintain order in the Bro Universe.


We implore all Brohizzles from around the globe to sign this statement of disgust with Christopher Wade. He has ruined what we have earned, and punishment but be enacted with swift revenge.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The A Call for the Swift and Immediate Removal of a Mr. Christopher "Wade" Wade Petition to Keith Marek was created by and written by Mr Shizzle Hickey (sean.m.hickey@gmail.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.