Bi-Rite Creamery Ice Cream is a Human Right

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    The Benevolent and Skilled Food Geniuses at Bi-Rite Creamery
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Whereas a steady supply of ice cream has been scientifically proven to be vital to welfare of the citizenry, to boost economic output during difficult fiscal times, and to substantially increase the positive outcome of the pursuit of happiness of each consumer;

Whereas Bi-Rite Creamery of San Francisco provides the most wholesome, decadent, and tasty ice cream in all of creation;

Whereas Bi-Rite Creamery ice cream is currently available in convenient pints for consumption at home;

Whereas the aforementioned pints are currently only available to those who Providence has seen fit to locate geographically near the physical location of Bi-Rite Creamery because they do not currently ship pints of their delicious, life-affirming ice cream;

Be it therefore resolved that Bi-Rite Creamery:

1) should begin shipping pints immediately throughout the country as both a statement of patriotism and humanitarian concern for the welfare of all

2) can, upon commencement of said shipments, rely on the steady business of all of those grateful souls who sign herein.