Dick Cheney Nude
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Mr. Richard Cheney, I was looking for pics of you on Google and Yahoo! and I realized there are, unfortunately, only two different types of photos of you. There are pictures of you smiling, at the camera or someone or another, and there are pictures of you at a lectern shouting about something that 18 year olds like me don't give a damn about (unless it's gay rights. It's so rad when you defend them.) Because I feel that all sexy, older politicians with a head of beautiful white hair and cartoonishly rosy cheeks should have nude photos of himself, I believe that it would be wonderful if you released a series of nude or pornographic photos of yourself. It's perfectly acceptable if you wait until your term ends, which could be up to four years ago, depending on if your homophobic friend George W. Bush rigs the vote again or not.
I figured if I made some kind of petition and collected signatures, you would understand how large your fanbase is, and realize that you are one of the most adorable older men in existence. Perhaps this would persuade you to shed your clothes for the camera? I'd like to think so.