The First Church of Norrisism vs. the Large Hadron Collider

To:  /b/tards

We, the people of /b/ and of 4chan in general, believe this so-called 'Large Hadron Collider' (or LHC) is secretly a weapon designed to kill Chuck Norris.

The LHC was secretly designed by George W. Bush and Dick Cheney to kill Chuck Norris, as Dubya and Cheney don't want to pay protection money to Norris anymore. It just makes sense!!!

The LHC uses an incredibly large Hadron particle which has been proven to weaken Chuck Norris. However, even the largest of Hadron chunks known to man cannot weaken Norris to the point that any army can defeat him. This is why they had to create a 'collider,' which would force two of the largest Hadron chunks known to man into one solid chunk of an entirely new and unknown element.

This new element has an atomic weight of '99 GET,' an atomic number of '123456789,' and has been known to the state of California to counter even the best of impersonated Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicks! (This data was tested on Norris impersonators, as Norris couldn't be bothered for testing. He was busy killing mozzarella for his supper that day).

We, the undersigned, believe that this weapon is far too dangerous to be applied to ANY type of attack, on Chuck Norris or anyone else!

This petition, if post ends in 99, will demand that this so-called 'Large Hadron Collider' be scrapped, all data on its creation be destroyed, and all persons associated with its creation and/or existence shall be put to death by fire.


Sincerely, The First Church of Norrisism.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The The First Church of Norrisism vs. the Large Hadron Collider Petition to /b/tards was created by and written by Jack Lawler (t3h.fkin.kgb@gmail.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.