Renewed efforts to ridicue nerds who complain about artistic direction for Diablo 3

To:  Blizzard, Nerds

This petition is being made as a way to express the disappointment of us, normal people who can actually function in society, about the way Diablo fans are reacting to something as inane as a $50 video game's artistic direction.



There's a long discussion about this matter happening all over various depressing forums all over the internet, there's thousands of comments in there so if you have any remaining faith that humanity isn't a sorry waste of evolution, stay away from them.



The main objective of this petition is to show Blizzard that there's a significant number of players that are completely retarded, and with this petition we hope to make Blizzard (h)ear our voices, our opinions and our suggestions and we seriously want some changes in the amount of vicious ridicule that they are failing to direct towards their totally nerdy fanbase.



It is our opinion that the graphic elements that characterize the Diablo universe are not actually as important as these neckbeards think they are. The fact that they are not fully present in this sequel really doesn't make a damn difference to anyone who:

- Has a girlfriend

- Doesn't wet the bed

- Has already moved out of their parents' house

- Doesn't give a damn about anything called a "night elf"

- Still recognizes the word "WOW" as an exclamation of amazement and not an inane acronym for an overblown time sink that withers one's social functionality until the only topics of conversation that enter one's mind revolve solely around "epic mounts" and "raids".



What we got in Diablo III:

- Holy shit, those guys just climbed up those walls.

- I like how walls can fall on top of guys and smush them.

- In-game water appears to be some kind of wet liquid.

- Oh my gosh, that guy totally ripped that guy in half, did you see that?

- Gold falls out of the ceiling when something dies and makes a "WHOOSH-tinkle" noise.

- I wonder what it would be like to go out with that female Barbarian.

- I need to get me some kickass shoulder pads.



What we want:

- Nerds to shut up and go talk to girls.

- Nerds to avoid posting internet petitions that they know damn well are pointless and extremely pathetic.

- More opportunities to ridicule and make fun of nerds who get angry at video games' art directions.

- Nerds to stop running Photoshop filters over screenshots and getting off to how awesome they made a video game look.

- More vegetables in nerds' diets.

- Nerds to stop trying to initiate serious conversations about whether or not I consider a certain piece of "lore" as "canon". I'm a cool, popular guy. I don't know what those words even mean.

- And most importantly: More opportunities to totally make fun of nerds.



Common arguments:

Q: But video games are big business.

A: True, video games are big business, but you don't even have a job and you have yet to grow pubic hair. Let's work on at least those 2 things before we begin dictating artistic choices of AAA video game developing houses, shall we?



Q: But the artistic direction doesn't retain continuity with past iterations of the series. If you'll only join me in examining this particular screenshot, you'll see that before I run these Photoshop effects filters, the Ghouls are bathed in a swathing purple light with dim green highlights, and the light radius surrounding your Barbarian character is but a tiny glow around his feet as if it was merely some kind of offensive-buffing aura, but after I increase the levels and edit these selections of color...

A: Holy crap, just shut up, you are stupid.


Q: Actually, I think Diablo 3 looks kinda cool.

A: Hey, you're pretty cool, let's go to the bar and play billiards


And lastly, here are some documented images of nerds:

http://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=2764921


What we ask Blizzard is to find a way of totally burning the fans of the Diablo universe by dissing them in public or pulling their pants down in front of their nerd friends.



Thanks

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The Renewed efforts to ridicue nerds who complain about artistic direction for Diablo 3 Petition to Blizzard, Nerds was created by and written by Bob Smith (mutatapetition@gmail.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.