Systematically Dismantle the Internet

To:  Some Kind of Mercenary Group

For years now, the elaborate system of tubes, rotors, and cogs that we know as the modern "internet" has flourished like a weed in a garden. This elaborate anti-analog machine has grown into a thick, thorny bush, the teeth of its once pristine cogs now worn and eaten away, the aphex seals of its rotors rusted over from the black sludge that pours into the tubes from the mindless, incoherent thoughts of the millions and millions of denizens whom perpetuate the watering of its now vitaminless roots.

I have seen the digital waste that this malicious device has left behind for us to clean up. Like sewage flows from a coal plant's veins into a bath tub for our families to clean themselves in, so does this "internet" spew its malevolent atrocities into the sandwiches of prosperity that we, as humans, once enjoyed. The peanut butter has become awash with brainless acronyms, the strawberry jam toxified by these "blogs" and "text messages" that I've heard so much about.

This can go on no longer. The "internet" _must_ be systematically dismantled. Its cogs, its rotors, its tubes, its roots, and the topsoil surrounding them--even the beautiful garden and even the entire rural farm that it was raised on--must be encased in a concrete sarcophagus in a fashion similar to the reactor at Chernobyl. Its vile radiation must no longer cause us strife. I demand that we do this immediately.

Only Al Gore will cry. On the grave of the monster we know as the "internet", we will write the word "LOL".

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The Systematically Dismantle the Internet Petition to Some Kind of Mercenary Group was created by and written by Art Japalano (arty@trashymail.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.