Stephen Colbert for FC Dallas fan president

To:  Stephen Colbert

Mr. Colbert,

I am writing on behalf of FC Dallas fans worldwide. Please allow me a moment to answer your questions about that opening statement: FC Dallas is a team in Major League Soccer (MLS) and yes the fan base can be considered worldwide. There are planes, we can buy tickets; just last November I was in Costa Rica, so I think that counts.

I would like to extend to you an offer of president of all FC Dallas fans. FC Dallas is a club filled with a long and rich tradition of playing in obscurity. For years we’ve sat behind the Cowboys, Mavericks, Texas Rangers, Dallas Stars, College Football, College Basketball, High School Football, Golf and NASCAR, as the Dallas media has ignored FC Dallas, Frisco, Texas’ best MLS team.

But before you decide to graciously accept this position, allow me to impart on you some thoughts. It is well known that soccer is a world game and as president of one of the few MLS teams to make money you can claim leadership of a fiscally responsible world entity (take that French President Nicolas Sarkozy). It has also been well reported that Englishmen David Beckham has recently joined the league as a member of the LA Galaxy, a rival squad. With his arrival I don’t think it’s too much of hyperbole to yell “The British are coming! The British are coming!” In these uncertain times we need a hero, a modern day Paul Revere, to awaken our nation to the threat of David Beckham’s un-All-American good looks and his ability to kick a ball around a wall of people standing in his way.

But more than British xenophobia (I want my royalty to be elected) you need just look at our team colors: red, white and blue, we are team America. I love America, you love America, US President’s Eisenhower, Lyndon B. Johnson and George Bush’s persona (he’s actually from Connecticut) love America. By accepting this position you will be able to follow in their great footsteps. I do not worry about your ability to handle this position I believe you will be ready on day one, just like William Henry Harrison.

Stephen Colbert ’08!

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The Stephen Colbert for FC Dallas fan president Petition to Stephen Colbert was created by and written by Robert Hampton (dallas@theoffside.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.