Lets Save the Internet - Ban Stupid People Now
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First, I would like to illustrate the nature of the problem. There are two major ways in which stupid people ruin the Internet for everybody. Each point will be discussed, followed by the solution the signers of this petition wish to see implemented immediately.
1. Spam. If stupid people were not allowed to use the Internet, we would have less spam. Allow me to prove this by the following logical argument. Why do people send spam? Because they know there are stupid people who will click on the "f-r-e-e p0rn" links. They know people out there will actually buy pills from a non-reputable seller online. If we remove the stupid people from the Internet, all the companies which rely on spam to do business will go bankrupt within a short time. Other sources of spam, like viruses, are perpetuated solely by stupid people. Anyone with half a brain knows not to open an attachment called "my_webcam.zip" from "[email protected]". Finally, the last source of spam, chain letters, will be reduced by many orders of magnitude due to the fact that only stupid morons forward meaningless joke emails that you have heard 100 times already to you after you told them to cut it out and threatened to block them and did but they got a new screen name and didn't get the hint.... In conclusion, banning people from the Internet will stop spam.
2. l33t sp33k. peoplE whO typE likE thiS anD thinK itZ cooL. lol omfg rofl bbq stfu. PEOPLE WHO TYPE IN ALL CAPITALS CAUSE THEY DONT KNOW WHERE THE CAPS-LOCK KEY IS OR WHAT IT DOES. People who just wont shut up, and break every code of decency on the internet in forums, IRC channels, and instant messengers. Poor spelling and uncool typing style wastes approximately 10,000,000 (ten million) person-hours of hard-working people's time a day. Trying to de-cypher the questionably literate is a waste of everyone's time and money. I have a dream! I have a dream, that when stupid people are banned from the Internet, prosperity and intellectual discussion will take place of Role Playing. Proper grammar will take the place of smilies. I have a dream, that one day, little Asian boys and girls will not drop their vowels and overuse the letter Z. One day, people of all countries and dialects will forsake making up crappy new words like "hax0r" and just speak english the way it was meant to be spoken: like an ENGLISHMAN! Together they will join hands and sing the words of the old British monarchy: "You and I", "You and I", not "me and you", but "you and I"!
I hope that you, Mr. President, can introduce a bill to ban American-based ISPs from giving stupid people access to the Internet. Furthermore, I wish that international ISPs that do not wish to comply be economically blockaded and/or bombed until they come to their senses and join the fight for justice.
This will be good for the economy, too! I know you like that word "the economy"! lol