Make Groundhog Day a Federal Holiday

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As February approaches, our thoughts turn to the heroes that have made this country the beacon of freedom it is today. No, we're not talking about Martin Luther King Jr., or George Washington, or Abraham Lincoln. Were talking about the groundhogs!

Every year groundhogs work tirelessly to forecast the approach of spring. And what thanks do they get for their work? Nothing! Sure, February 2nd is named for them, but what conciliation is that if no one gets the day off? We all know its not a real holiday if you cant go skiing, or have a BBQ, or open presents. Its really just a sham.

We therefore request that our Congressional Representatives modify Title V of the United States Code to recognize February 2nd as a federal holiday. We also urge state and locally elected officials, as well as businesses, to recognize February 2nd as a holiday by giving their workers the day off. Only by working together, can we overcome this injustice.