Dear Roger Ailes:

We, the undersigned, being of sound mind and body and definitely not under the influence of Viagra freebase obtained under a shady prescription, hereby URGE you to pick The 1/2 Hour News Hour up for a whole glorious season.

We are well aware that the show is considerably less funny than Holocaust footage. However as conservatives, we recognize our compelling moral obligation to suck the conservative-humor tit regardless of what comes out of it. And we acknowledge that conservatives are humor-challenged and therefore entitled to handouts of all possible descriptions.

Whatever you do, don't ever run a comedy using new talent instead of busted-ass hacks who got their starts on series like My Two Dads and Carter Country. Instead, make sure you see to it that all the opportunities go to stiffs who would otherwise be writing text for the packaging on laxative bottles.

We promise to swallow whatever you push down our throats and tell you it tastes like fried chicken and biscuits.

God bless you, Mr. Ailes, for this astounding achievement in the field of affirmative action for privileged white men.