We, the fans of the Boston Red Sox, do, in a soothing, sensual and strangely feminine voice, request that one Theo Epstein, General Manager of the Boston Red Sox, complete the following actions: 1) DFA one Alex Cora, second baseman/shortstop, 2) Bring up from Triple-A Pawtucket one Jed Lowrie, shortstop, 3) Bench one Julio Lugo, shortstop. If these actions are not completed within a reasonable amount of time following the eventual gathering of one-thousand (1,000) signatures, we, the fans of the Boston Red Sox, shall thereafter refer to one Theo Epstein as "Theo Epstein, The Emperor of Immense Failure".