Shave Kyle Orton's Neckbeard

To:  Kyle Orton

From the shores of Lake Michigan to the black-smoked factories of Decatur and everywhere in between, we beg of you, Kyle Orton, shave your scraggly neckbeard.

We are aware of its superstitious properties you believe allow you to continue winning, but surely the pure ugliness that is your neckbeard far outweighs any positive benefit you may reap from sporting that hirsute nastiness.

Should you fail to at a bare minimum trim your neck-whiskers prior to the next time we spot your grisly, hideous visage in High Def, we shall be forced to boycott any and all Bears-related events, apparel, and other such products forthwith.

One last thing - we think it would be really nice if you shaved it into some sort of Jake Plummer-esque pornstache.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The Shave Kyle Orton's Neckbeard Petition to Kyle Orton was created by members of the Free Kyle Orton's Neckbeard Society and written by Chris Salm (thegooddj@gmail.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.

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