I need you guys to sign a petition for me, PariahKing. A pastor at my school told me that you shouldn't date before you get married, because dating is unbiblical. However, he said you will just know when to get married when you meet that special someone. This is very confusing to me, so I'm asking you guys to sign a petition for me to help sort out all this confusion.

I'm going to send it to future President Ron Paul, who hopefully, will pass a law causing something or other that will end in a marriage for me, because he seems to be able to sign for any other crazy document. Basically, I'm asking for legislation that forces each single woman in America to have to meet me personally, spend 15 minutes with me, and take my awesome business card. Obviously, this should be less taxing on our government than say, universal health care, so the American people should be OK with it. And if they're not, they're against love and being a patriot.

So sign.