WHEREAS we believe that the United States deserves the best Chief Executive available;

WHEREAS Governor Rick Perry of Texas has thrown his hat in the ring for the Republican nomination for President;

WHEREAS the State of Texas is currently in the midst of a horrible drought and on fire;

WHEREAS this dry and fiery condition of his home state requires the constant attention of the aforementioned governor/candidate for the Republican nomination for President;

WHEREAS none of the other current candidates for the Republican nomination for President have day jobs anywhere near as intensive as Governor of Texas (what does Newt Gingrich do, exactly?);

WHEREAS Rick Perry, God, and the People of Texas have already prayed for rain and done everything possible to relieve the emergency conditions in their great state;

NOW, THEREFORE, WE, THE UNDERSIGNED, urge all other candidates in the race for the Republican nomination for President to immediately suspend their campaigns in order to allow Rick Perry to attend to conditions in Texas. We believe that this would put all candidates on an even playing field and ensure the best possible outcome in the 2012 primaries. Furthermore, this cessation of campaigning would enable all of the other candidates to explore other ways to make Texas less hot, dry, and fiery.