For too long have we the people been subject to foul tasting and potentially dangerous, (see Seinfield season 7 episode 24) envelopes. Each month hundreds of foul tasting envelopes are used by Clear Channel Radio Cedar Rapids and Iowa City. Bills, correspondence, checks...all stuffed into generic evelopes which are later discarded and fill up our nations landfills, increase greenhouse gasses by large incenerators, and leaving helpless victims in pain with their nasty papercuts.

Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, thats what.

You have the right as an American, as a human, and as a meat eater, to enjoy the delicious taste of Bacon, anytime, anywhere! King Curtis said it best, "Bacon is good for me." As a citizen of the greatest nation on Earth, as a member of the human race, as a Clear Channel employee, you deserve Bacon flavored envelopes! We the undersigned demand that we do away with the outdated envelopes to send our bills in and instead use Mmmvelopes!