Roger Ailes: Save the Half-Hour News Hour

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Roger Ailes, CEO, Fox News

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Dear Roger Ailes:

We, the undersigned, being of sound mind and body and definitely not under the influence of Viagra freebase obtained under a shady prescription, hereby URGE you to pick The 1/2 Hour News Hour up for a whole glorious season.

We are well aware that the show is considerably less funny than Holocaust footage. However as conservatives, we recognize our compelling moral obligation to suck the conservative-humor tit regardless of what comes out of it. And we acknowledge that conservatives are humor-challenged and therefore entitled to handouts of all possible descriptions.

Whatever you do, don't ever run a comedy using new talent instead of busted-ass hacks who got their starts on series like My Two Dads and Carter Country. Instead, make sure you see to it that all the opportunities go to stiffs who would otherwise be writing text for the packaging on laxative bottles.

We promise to swallow whatever you push down our throats and tell you it tastes like fried chicken and biscuits.

God bless you, Mr. Ailes, for this astounding achievement in the field of affirmative action for privileged white men.

26 Signatures

Chris Hunt
- Comments
- I'm a real boy.
Jerry Troutman
- Comments
- Joel Surnow is a STAR and you punks aren't fit to tickle his schmeckel.
REAL Conservative
- Comments
- SUCK it, you posers! Support the troops by watching crap.
Mrs. Edna Scrabblepants
- Comments
- Ilove this show! Don't hire any coloreds.
J. K. Kadumply
- Comments
- Shave the Whales, Whirled Peas for All, and Save the Half-Hour News Hour!
mesablue
- Comments
- It sucks so much it's good ;-) woo hoo
nick savva
Manny Cotti
- Comments
- This show will be even better than Star Kid. Mark my words. Liberals will be filling their diapers.
George W Bush
- Comments
- I'm tired of them libruls making fun of my intelijunce.
Doug S
- Comments
- This might be the funnest show I will ever see all year! But it will have to be longer for paperback. Whales blow.
aelfheld
Ben A. Trujillo
- Comments
- This petition is funnier than the clips from the show.
R. H. Potfry
- Comments
- I'm giddy with the love
Damian Geminder
- Comments
- Make it like unfunny Weekend Update!
ron butler
- Comments
- the ACLU scares the hell of me please jail the heathens.
Roy Beals
- Comments
- FNC is Awesome
Douglas MacArthur III
- Comments
- Is it possible to outsource the actual writing of future shows to Halliburton? I've seen some of their invoices for Federal money spent in Iraq, and they are hillarious! Talk about creative writing!
Andrew
- Comments
- save the truthiness
Loyal..Fox..Viewer...
- Comments
- Bless you for telling us how to think, while remaining "fair and balanced" (wink, wink)
Kevin Pierce
- Comments
- Feh!
Autonomous Germ
- Comments
- That part, about Oprah douching, oh man, soo funny, I'm still wetting my pants over it. Uhh. I've said too much.
William Howe
Glen Gilchrist
- Comments
- Great to have conservative satire available!!
Joscelyn
- Comments
- Truthiness for all! Watch the Colbert Report!
Elizabeth
- Comments
- The 1/2 hour news hour has made me laugh. My favorite joke is about the "everyone looking like John Edwards".
James Udan