Dear Police/Judges/Jury,

We, the GOOD Samaritans of the kind Earth, would like to say, "Jail Steven Gerrard". We humans were granted the ability to feel, to sympathise, to bestow kindness upon others. We feel any good, well-behaved, and good-hearted human would say hurting others is an absolutely despicable act.

Which is why, when it came to our attention that the football player, from Liverpool, Steven Gerrard, had been charged with assault, we felt it absolutely necessary to ask for him to be given the maximum jail term. Therefore, we say, "Jail Steven Gerrard for five (5) years".

(Note: In the game of football (British football), Steven Gerrard is also known as Stevie G. No, he IS a football player, not a rapper. No, not a rapper. And no, he does not carry any "bling bling" with him. No, he's not too muscular either, or all that tall. Feminine, perhaps.)

Also, a football player should be a well-disciplined individual, and what makes this act even more appalling is the fact the Steven Gerrard (or Stevie G) is a CAPTAIN. I ask fans of Manchester United, do you see Ryan Giggs or Gary Neville assaulting others on the street? (As for ex-captain Roy Keane, at least he doesn't do it in public.) Chelsea fans, do you see John Terry running around punching others? Arsenal fans, do you see Cesc Fabregas going wild in bars? Liverpool fans, do you see Steven Gerrard--oops, he did.

Ahem, moving on.

Therefore, I hope that this case will be viewed seriously and with no bias. Jail Steven Gerrard for the maximum number of years. Life sentence would be fine, even.

Sign the petition. Join the Movement to Jail Steven Gerrard, I mean, the Movement to Uphold Justice in the World.

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