Transformers 3 Petition
Michael Bay, Roberto Orci, Alex Kurtzman, and Ehren Kruger
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Revenge of the Fallen was nowhere near as good as the first film (which wasn't nearly as good as it could have been either). It was by far raunchier, more inappropriate, and was chock-full of content that Transformers fans did not PAY to see... and do not WISH to see (i.e. Shia LaBeouf's mother eating pot brownies, knee-high Decepticons humping Megan Fox's leg, Agent Simmons' backside, and absolutely throw-away characters that we couldn't care less about (i.e. the Twins) who end up getting more screen time than Starscream, Soundwave or Ironhide!).
Not only are these aforementioned elements unnecessary from a Transformers-universe continuity standpoint, but they ultimately downgrade the movie as a whole, they make parents much less likely to let their younger children see it, and they make genuine Transformers fans feel tricked and robbed! The money used to create these unnecessary crude portions of the movie could have been used MUCH more productively elsewhere, and the movie's runtime could have been clipped a significant amount if they were simply eliminated altogether!
Don't get us wrong, there were a precious few redeeming factors in Revenge of the Fallen. We were pleasantly surprised by scenes that stayed true to the character of the original Transformers characters, such as the scene when Megatron is released from the Laurentian Abyss, and immediately flies into space to verbally cut down Starscream, which is exactly what he would have done in previous incarnations; and the forest fight scene in which Optimus Prime gallantly fights against overwhelming odds in order to save Sam from the Decepticons, and eventually pays the ultimate price. These scenes were in keeping with the highest (and lowest) qualities of these Transformers characters, and lit our faces up like they haven't been lit by new Transformers material for a very long time!
However, those triumphant moments were few and far between, and were greatly outnumbered by the elements we did not appreciate at ALL, such as the following:
- Raunchy jokes (i.e. Agent Simmons joking about Transformers' scrotums). If we wanted, we could get toilet humor from a plethora of crappy movies... why must we be subjected to it in this one as well?,
- Pointless, annoying human characters like Sam's college roommate (just write them out of the script, or take the time to write a character that we might actually care about),
- Mr. and Mrs. Witwicky (Mrs. in particular) making complete and utter fools of themselves (and ticking off the audience in the process),
- Annoying new mini-robots that aren't characters from original material, speak in annoying voices, do annoying things, ruin entire scenes of the movie by their mere presence, and did we mention they are ANNOYING?,
- The Witwickys' dogs having sex (more than once... come on, really?),
- The Mudflap/Skids duo in general embodying racism and lewdness,
- Agent Simmons' thong-clad backside (again... come on... REALLY?)
- And perhaps the most appalling of all: Needlessly and unashamedly skanky/slutty female characters. The TV shows certainly didn't have this element, and remember: Your audience is NOT comprised solely of horny teenage boys! If you want to make the audience like the female characters, try this: Leave a little more 'up to the imagination' (and spare the kids' eyes while you're at it!); give Megan Fox some lines that don't make her sound like an uneducated twit; don't add characters like Alice (more like TX from Terminator 3 than any Decepticon) for the sole purpose of extra female skin in the film (again, that's something we could get elsewhere); write scenes that have female humans AND Transformers doing more cool stunts, and speaking well-written, quotable dialogue; and mostly, just give the females at least SOME character that extends beyond the realm of sexual objectification.
Transformers was originally about robots in disguise. It was, for all practical purposes, a children's show. Where was this fact lost in translation? Now the robots swear, make lewd jokes, hump humans' legs, have the appearance of testicles, and (except for a select few) are completely worthless, throw-away characters that we as genuine Transformers fans couldn't care less about. All for the sake of a few cheap laughs that ultimately fall short of satisfaction, and in fact, accomplish NOTHING, except to make the movie more forgettable.
What we hope for in a third movie is simple:
- First and definitely foremost, MORE FOCUS ON CHARACTER DEVELOPMENT FOR THE TRANSFORMERS! Save for a very few, they've been shallow, empty husks of the characters we've grown to love over the years! We want to MEET Soundwave, Bumblebee (who still doesn't talk?), Ironhide, Mirage, Thundercracker, Ratchet, Arcee, Ravage, Galvatron, Unicron, Skywarp, and many other staple Transformers characters who haven't even made a cameo in the films. These integral characters were the Transformers that we grew to know and love, yet are sorely forsaken, underdeveloped, and largely ignored in the film franchise. Bring these Autobot characters to life in the same noble vein as Optimus Prime, and the Decepticons after the same nefarious fashion in which Megatron and Starscream were re-conceived! And we don't just want to see them walking or fighting for a few scenes, interspersed with some really pointless scenes, mostly those involving terribly-conceived human characters. We want to hear them converse, brag, banter, crack jokes, and so on, which leads to the next point...
- Secondly, we'd LOVE inter- and intra-faction playful/mean/hateful banter, which heavily influenced characterization in the original series and its follow-ups, in a way that has yet to be duplicated by this series! What we PAID FOR was to see gallant Autobots duking it out against evil Decepticons, and having a boatload of arguments in the process! This is the bread and butter of the shows, and simply cannot be ignored in the films!,
- Clean humor is seriously underrated these days. There was plenty of clean humor in the TV shows, and we loved it! There are plenty of ways to be funny without dragging us down to the level of a B-grade comedian's dirty jokes. Many of the jokes of the shows were sardonic, dry, jabs at other characters, and an overwhelming amount were unabashedly corny... we can't describe how much this conveys the spirit of what we love. It has been completely lost in the films thus far, and its absence has definitely not gone unnoticed.
We also hope to see:
- Mr. and Mrs. Witwicky acting like parents, instead of freaks,
- Less racism embodied in robots as well as humans (Seriously, what was up with the Twins? That was completely unnecessary...),
- No more gimmicky, annoying, scene-ruining characters (like Wheelie, Mudflap, Skids, etc.),
- More appropriate attire and behavior for female characters (not everyone coming to watch these movies is an adrenaline-soaked teen male),
A little bit of advice: Watch the TV shows again! Copy the old Transformers source material more, and take less artistic license when writing! We guarantee that REAL Transformers fans will LOVE it if you do this, and will be back to the cinema multiple times to absorb it again and again! An overwhelming amount of fans are coming to these movies mainly for nostalgia's sake, including me, and we're more focused on the characters and plot than the action, explosions, and chaos.
If you listen to these suggestions, Transformers 3 will ultimately be more popular, more memorable, more audience- and child-friendly (resulting in more parents allowing their younger children to see it), and, if we're all lucky, Revenge of the Fallen will only be remembered as a hiccup of judgment.
We believe that an AMAZING Transformers movie can be created. Please don't prove us wrong!