Declare Alaska a Wasteland and Tap Her for All Her Natural Resources

To:  U.S. Congress

I. Alaska, in its current state, is a waste of valuable resources.
Ia. Valuable resources refers to oil and natural gas reserves as well as any other known or undiscovered marketable goods that appear whether naturally or by human means.

II. These resources would be put to better use if all of Alaska were to be turned into a gigantic strip mine, with any resources found dumped into a lake for storage and processing.
IIa. As a precorser to mining permits, a permit-seeker must show malice towards the environment. Simple disregard will not suffice.
IIb. Caribou should be included in the list of resources to be dumped into the lake, but only after their appendages and horns have been forcefully removed and the wounds treated so that the animal will live but do so in excruciating pain.
IIc. After spending a week in the resource lake, the caribou should be fished out and used for gentic testing with the native peoples so that super soldiers may be produced.
IId. The spare appendages should be stored in a contaminated meat faucility in South America in order to encourage disease spreading.
IIe. In addition to strip mining, Alaska should be used as a nuclear testing site, given its proximity to Russia. This nuclear testing should only include experimentation that is directly detrimental to the local environment, like atomic detonation.

Sincerely,

The Undersigned

The Declare Alaska a Wasteland and Tap Her for All Her Natural Resources Petition to U.S. Congress was created by members of M. B. Lamar High School Anti-Environment Club and written by Tim John (timjohn911@yahoo.com).  This petition is hosted here at www.PetitionOnline.com as a public service. There is no endorsement of this petition, express or implied, by Artifice, Inc. or our sponsors. For technical support please use our simple Petition Help form.