This petition was started to help my dear friend, Coulter, in his failed attempts at becoming sober. My friend enjoys constantly drinking massive quantities, leaving himself to slowly die while he listens to Owl City and remains glued to his couch, laughing uncontrollably at anything and everything. His drink of choice is, of course, Arizona sweet tea, which everyone should know is 45\% alcohol. I'm doing this for the good of humanity, and hopefully you will contribute to this act of kindness, in hopes of saving my dear friend. Thank you.